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Counseling
Teens
Dr. Marc A. Graham, Director
Biblical Counseling Center, East Michigan Office
Presented at Word of Life Michigan Mid-Year Leaders'
Conference
January, 2006
Introduction:
A. Do you remember what it was like
to be a teenager?
Do you remember:
1. Your
self-consciousness?
2. Your physical
self-awareness?
3. Feeling great about yourself one
day and wanting to die the next?
4. Trying to be cool, only to make a
complete fool of yourself?
5. Doing immature, irresponsible
things at the same time that you were trying to win your parent's
respect?
B. Effective leaders/counselors of
teenagers are those who are able to remember what it was like to
live in the scary world of being a teen.
I. What the Bible says about
Teenagers.
A. Most have no hunger for wisdom or
correction. (Prov. 1:8-9; 2:1-6; 4:1-12)
1. We must respond to teens in a way
that makes wisdom appealing.
2. Don't just relate to them during
time of correction. Look for opportunities to encourage them when
they do something right.
B. Most have a tendency to be
legalists.
1. Teenagers tend to push the fences
while telling you they are still in the yard.
2. They like to debate boundaries.
They emphasize the letter of the law rather than the spirit. We
must explain to them the spirit of the law and what it means to
have a right heart toward God.
C. Most have a tendency to be unwise
in their choice of companions. (Prov. 1:15;
4:14).
1. They tend to be naive and tell
you that they won't be influenced. (1 Cor. 15:33)
2. These conversations need to be
approached with sensitivity and patience. Teens tend to be
protective and prickly when it comes to discussions of their
friends. The operational rule is "to reject my friends is to reject
me."
D. Many have a susceptibility to
sexual temptation. (Prov. 5-7).
1. There is nowhere outside the
Christian community where a teen can get an accurate perspective of
this important area of life.
2. The church MUST deal with this
subject. We must get teens to step outside of emotion and
commitment and take an honest, Biblical look at sexuality.
E. Most have an absence of eternal
perspective. (Gal. 6:7; Col. 3:2-3).
1. Teens live as if the present
moment is the only moment of life. They have a hard time with the
concept of delayed gratification.
2. We must help them learn to think
in terms of long-term investment. (Matt. 6:19-21).
F. Most have a lack of heart
awareness. (Prov. 4:20-23).
1. Like Jesus in the Sermon on the
Mount (Matt. 5-7), we must help teens see beyond mere external
behavior to the heart that drives it.
2. We must help them see the danger
of exchanging the Creator for things in creation (acceptance of
friends, possessions, etc.). (Rom. 1:22-25).
3. We must become skilled in asking
questions that expose the thoughts and intentions of the heart.
4. A rules-regulation approach that
tries to keep teens out of trouble will fail because it does not
address issues of the heart.
G. Most tend to be
defensive.
1. Don't accuse. Ask leading
questions that generate discussion. (Eph. 4:29).
2. Help them examine their own
defensiveness. (Matt. 7:2-5).
3. Be honest about your own
sinfulness. (Gal. 6:1).
II. Counseling Principles
for Teenagers.
A. We must help them understand
clear boundary issues.
1. Clear boundary issues involve the
plain commands of Scripture.
2. First, he needs to know the
commands of Scripture. (Josh. 1:8)
3. Second, he must develop a heart
willing to do God's will regardless of the consequences. (Josh.
1:9).
4. Examples of such teenagers: David
(1 Sam. 17); Daniel (Dan. 1:8-16); Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego
(Dan. 1:19-20); Joseph (Gen. 39).
B. We must help them understand the
importance of developing wisdom.
1. Wisdom is needed for issues where
there are no clear boundaries.
2. They must learn to apply
Scriptural principles that exist outside the clear imperatives.
Developing this kind of discernment comes from seeking to know God
and practice in using the Word. (Heb. 5:12-14).
3. Example: the Bible doesn't say,
"Thou shalt not watch television." But the Scriptures are filled
with moral principles that help us develop wisdom in discerning
what content is acceptable and unacceptable.
C. We must help them understand the
nature of successful Christian living.
1. They must see the futility of
feeling-oriented living. (Eph. 4:22).
2. They must replace this with
principle or truth-oriented living. (Eph. 4:24).
3. This is done through knowing
God's Word. (Eph. 4:23; Rom. 12:2).
D. Patience, patience,
patience!
1. Change takes time.
2. Don't overreact to their
foolishness. Remember that foolishness is bound up in the heart of
a child. It is to be expected.
3. Don't be put off by their
manipulations---don't give up.
4. Be a good listener to what they
say.
5. Understand that they have a much
smaller life context as a basis to make decisions than you do. They
CAN'T see it from your older perspective.
6. Be willing to overlook minor
offenses. (1 Pet. 4:8).
E. Learn to see life crises in the
teens as great ministry opportunities.
1. We have hope to offer discouraged
teens.
F. Be willing to bare your own
struggle with sin to them. (Rom. 7:14-21).
1. So you shouldn't act surprised at
the teen's struggle with sin.
G. Identify the key voices in the
teen's life. Who do they listen to? Who do they respect? Who
influences them? (1 Cor. 1:10-12).
1. You will need to expose yourself
to some of these voices to understand the impact they are having on
the teens.
H. Identify key areas of struggle
with sin, then help teens devise a "what to do" plan of action for
times of temptation.
I. Be solution-oriented, not
problem-oriented. God is a God of answers.
Material for this
workshop based upon information in the excellent and highly
recommended book, Age of Opportunity, by Tedd
Tripp.
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