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Forgiveness and Conflict
Resolution
Dr. Marc A. Graham, Director
Biblical
Counseling Center of Southeast
Michigan
Introduction:
A. Sin can always be raised against you until
repentance takes place and forgiveness is issued.
1. God doesn't forgive sinners until they
repent and come to Christ.
2. This is why public confession in warranted
cases of Church Discipline is important. The sin has been openly
dealt with and cannot be raised against you again.
B. The purpose of forgiveness is restored
relationships: God to man/man to man.
I. DEFINITION OF
FORGIVENESS
A. Never again raising the matter against the
person for the purpose of hurting or indicting
them.
B. This does not mean an ability to
forget wrongs. Depending upon what has happened, this may be
impossible. It is a conscious decision of the will to not hold it
against the person forgiven.
C. Example of God---Hebrews
8:12-13.
1. It would be impossible for the
omniscient God to forget our sins.
2. It simply means that He will not
hold our sins against us. It is the deliberate
decision that God makes as the Supreme Judge toward
sinners.
II. TYPES OF
FORGIVENESS
A. Judicial forgiveness.
1. This is God's sovereign pardon of all sin
past, present and future at salvation, by virtue of Christ's
atoning sacrifice on the Cross.
2. Example of this type of forgiveness is
found in the parable in Matthew 18:23-27.
B. Familial forgiveness.
1. This has to do with God's new relationship
to the believe as heavenly Father to His children.
2. This is the forgiveness of 1 John
1:9.
3. This is the type of forgiveness that we
are called to exercise toward one another.
a. Ephesians 4:30-32.
b. Matthew 18:21-22.
C. In familial forgiveness, repentance
must occur for restoration of the relationship to take
place.
1. When repentance occurs, forgiveness is
commanded by Scripture.
a. Ephesians 4:32.
b. Matthew 18:21-35.
2. When repentance does not occur, the role
of other believers becomes important. Unresolved differences that
cause bitterness are not an option in the body of
Christ.
a. Matthew 18:15-18.
b. Galatians 6:1-2.
D. When repentance does not occur and
reconciliation is not accomplished, the offended party must still
let the matter go in order to avoid bitterness which grieves the
Holy Spirit and is sin.
a. Ephesians 4:30-32.
b. Romans 12:17-21.
c. Sin number one never justifies sin
number two in response.
III. YOUR ABILITY TO FORGIVE IS
DIRECTLY RELATED TO HOW MATURE A
CHRISTIAN YOU
ARE.
A. Your love for others is in direct
proportion to and an indicator of the depth of your love for God
and walk with God.
1. 1 John 5:2.
2. 1 John 4:19-21.
3. Love is deeds, not words. I John
3:16-18.
B. If you feel repeated need to talk about
the offense, it is a clear sign that you have not forgiven in your
heart. This is sin and must be confessed to God.
C. Refusal to forgive will directly impact
your walk with God.
1. Matthew 6:14-15.
2. This will result in:
a. Grieving the Holy Spirit. Eph.
4:30-32.
b. Your own lack of forgiveness coming
back to haunt you. Matthew 7:2.
c. Distorted spiritual eyesight. Matthew
7:3-6.
D. The mature Christian has the ability to
forgive and let things go.
1. Matthew 18:21-22.
2. 1 Peter 4:8.
3. Philippians 1;9.
4. If you can't let things go, it is an
indication that there isn't enough love of God in your
heart.
E. Our example is Christ Jesus. Luke
23:34.
IV. REASONS PEOPLE
FAIL TO "FEEL" FORGIVEN.
A. Not believing God's Word.
1. Do we have a higher moral standard than
God does? This is sin.
B. No sorrow over sin.
1. You shouldn't feel forgiven if you enjoy
sin. This comes from a low view of the holiness of God or a
distorted view of grace. (see Romans 5:20-6:2).
C. Holding bitterness toward
God.
1. This is blasphemy.
D. No restitution made.
1. The matter is not closed. (James
5:16).
E. No plan for Biblical change and
growth.
1. Ephesians 4:22-24.
2. Romans 13:14.
F. Feeling-oriented living.
1. They need to be
Scripture-oriented.
2. Forgiveness is a fact, not a
feeling.
G. Failure to forgive others.
1. Matthew 6:14-15.
V. CONSEQUENCES OF FAILING TO FORGIVE
OTHERS.
A. Self-pity.
B. Anger.
C. Bitterness.
1. Ephesians 4:26-27.
2. Hebrews 12:15.
D. Unbiblical action.
E. Guilt/depression.
F. More sin.
G. Destruction.
Conclusion:
A. If the holy Son of God can model a spirit
of forgiveness in the presence of
the very men who are murdering Him from the cross, how dare you and
I
hold petty grudges?
B. Forgiveness active among the people of God
is one of the most effective
evangelistic witnesses to a lost world.
Suggested reading on the subject of
Forgiveness:
Adams, Jay E., From Forgiven to Forgiving,
Amityville, N.Y., Calvary Press, 1994 (paper).
MacArthur, John, The Freedom and Power of
Forgiveness, Wheaton, Crossway Books,1998.
Miller, Wendell, Forgiveness: The Power and the
Puzzles, Warsaw, ClearBrook, 1994
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