Biblical Counseling Center

of Southeast Michigan

A Nouthetic Counseling and Training Center

Let me say several things to you before I embark upon this session.

1.) I prefer much more to think of Jesus as the Scriptures commonly present Him to us, as a preacher and a teacher. We often read in the Gospels that Jesus traveledfrom village to village, town to town, city to city preaching and teaching.

2.) Biblical counseling is no more and no less than discipleship. When we counsel, we are discipling. We are attempting to assist our brothers/sisters in Christ in becoming an obedient follower of Jesus Christ.

3.) The primary goal of biblical counseling is obedience to Jesus Christ. (Col. 1:28, "We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ."; II Cor. 5:9, "We make it our goal to please Him . . ." I Cor. 10:31, " . . . whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."; II Cor. 10:5, " . . . and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.")
As pastors, teachers, counselors or fellow Christians, (you might not be a pastor, teacher, counselor, but a lay person who is here today to sharpen your skills as a layperson), our ultimate goal in counseling is to assist the person with whom we are working in becoming obedient to Jesus Christ. No matter what the problem, that is our primary goal.
We are not Rogerians who believe that simply through reaffirming what the "counselee" is saying that he/she has an inherent goodness and will ultimately come to the conclusion himself/herself of what is right and will do it.
Our responsibility in working with counselees is to speak the truth and trust the Holy Spirit to convict, convince and empower the Christian to obey Him, regardless of what the problem is.

Learn several things:

1.) The presenting problem is not the real problem! (as we will later see from Jesus' response to Martha)
Be assured that Martha was experiencing real, emotional pain. She was hurting inside and the problem that she presents to Jesus is that Mary is the cause of her problems.
As biblical counselors, you must learn to recognize and distinguish the presenting problem(s) from the real problem(s).

Examples of how many Christians would respond to Martha's complaint:
-"O, poor Martha, I can't believe that Mary has done that to you."
-"Yes, I would be upset too."
-"Well, I will go tell her to get in here and help you."
-Or, they would get mad at Mary too and complain to others like Martha did!

2.) The proposed solution is not the biblical solution.
Martha's solution is for Jesus to do something for her that will take her out of misery, namely, "Tell her to help me". That is the solution to my problem. Mary must do something for me.
As biblical counselors, you must learn to recognize and distinguish the proposed solutions from biblical solutions.

Examples of this:
-A Christian wife praying that her unsaved husband would either leave her or have an affair so she could divorce him and be out from under the pressure of the unequally yoked marriage.
-File bankruptcy and you won't have to pay anyone.
-Let the runaway 16 year old, rebellious child live with me.

3.) Jesus courageously confronts the real problem and offers the biblical solution
(vv. 41-42).
Jesus tells Martha that she was the cause of her problems though she thought Mary was. Jesus in effect tells Martha that she is feeling that way because her life is not focused on the most important things-things that Mary has chosen for her life. He says, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about so many things, but only one thing is needful. Mary has chosen what is better, and I will not take it away from her."
As biblical counselors, you must be courageous enough to lovingly confront the real issues in the counselee's life if you would be successful in bringing them to holiness.
This is often interpreted by the counselee as "the counselor (pastor) is harsh and unloving."

4.) Martha was hurting inside because she was thinking wrongly and Jesus loved her enough to tell her so.
Biblical counselors need to understand that how a counselee thinks will determine in large degree to how the counselee behaves. The biblical counselor will find that he/she meets with success if he/she is willing to lovingly confront the sinful thinking and show how it conflicts with God's Word so that the counselee can begin to see things from God's point of view.

5.) Notice too that this passage certainly illustrates for us that a godly person can be wrong in his/her thinking and behavior.

6.) Did you notice that just because a person complains about something that is bothering him/her that it does not mean that the complaint was valid.
This is a common mistake that counselors and fellow Christians make when they lack experience in discipling others. They too often assume that because a person (friend!) feels a certain way, those feelings are valid and are to be affirmed and agreed with.

7.) Did you also notice from this passage that Jesus did not allow deep affection and close friendship to affect his primary loyalty to His father. Jesus stood for what was right before His Father and was not blinded by His relationship with a member of the "Lazarus family."

8.) Did you notice that this "counseling session" (discipleship opportunity) took place in the drama of Jesus' life and was not a "sit-down, come to the office" session.
Many, many counseling (discipleship) opportunities will occur in the daily drama of life. Learn to look for them and respond appropriately (biblically).

So, learn the following from these two passages and 23+ years of experience in counseling will confirm this to be true:

Most counseling opportunities will involve situations where the counselee thinks that his/her problems in life are due to another person(s), and further if that person(s) will make changes in his/her life, the counselee will become happy and all his/her problems in life will be solved. The real issue that the biblical counselor needs to address is that the counselee has lost his/her own focus on Christ and eternal issues (This is true of Martha and this anonymous man in Luke 12).

Learn the following from Luke 12:13-15.

1.) Jesus does not accept the request for help. The business between the man and his brother was not Jesus' call in life.
Many times counselees will come to us wanting to involve us though they are not really interested in hearing the truth so that they can live in truth and thus glorify God. Rather their goals in coming to us are for the counselor (pastor!) to: (a.) solve their problems; (b.) remove them from their problems; (c.) side with them even when they are wrong.

Our goal as biblical counselors is not for ourselves to solve the problems of the counselee (that's his/her responsibility!); take the counselee out of his/her problem(s); or to side with them (We represent God-"ambassadors of Christ"). Our goal is to assist the counselee in becoming obedient to Jesus Christ even in the midst of the problem(s) as they are being solved!
We too often cater to the sinful whims of God's people. This keeps progress from being made in holiness.

2.) The presenting problem is not the real problem.
To the man crying out to Jesus, the problem is his brother needs to divide the inheritance with him. To Jesus the real problem was greed.
He is angry, disappointed, offended, slighted, mistreated. He blurts out to Jesus, "Teacher, tell my brother to share my parents will with me." How would you respond? Do you automatically assume that the complaint, the hurt that is being expressed is the real root of the problem? Jesus didn't. Jesus knew that the man's complaint and hurt was only a symptom of a sin problem in his own heart that he needed desperately to deal with. And Jesus loves him enough to bring it to his attention. I just imagine that far too many Christians would immediately side with this young man, stand with him in his complaint, put their arm around him, cry with him and in so doing confirm him in his sinful attitude sending him on his way even more sinful, never pausing for even a second to consider, "maybe the hurt and pain is due to his sin and not his brothers." Jesus refused to treat symptoms and always looked for the real cause. My dear brothers and sisters, so must you if you would truly help people overcome their mental, emotional and spiritual pains.

3.) Jesus lovingly confronts the real problem and offers a biblical solution (v. 15).
This will require real courage by any man or woman who desires to be a biblical counselor.

Learn the following:

1.) Notice again that Peter's complaint involves another person! There is an issue troubling Peter centered upon another person that he really has no right or reason to have an interest in.

2.) Just because someone was really hurting/worried/concerned did not mean to Jesus it was justified.
Jesus knows that if Peter is willing to deal with the real issue, his worry/hurt/concern will go away.

3.) Jesus is lovingly abrupt and direct in his response to Peter and he gets right to the heart of the issue (v. 22). God has different plans for different lives and we must not compare God's plan for our life with His plan for another believer's life.
The Bible tells us that Jesus is telling Peter ahead of time how he will die. We know that Peter was led to a cross where he was crucified upside down. Peter began to reflect on what Jesus said his future held and he began to worry about it. In fact, he really began to worry about it when it hit him that Jesus hadn't foretold such an ignominous death for his buddy, the Apostle John. So Peter asked about Jesus about John. He said, "Lord, how will John die?" Will you make sure that he goes through the same type of pain as me? Now Peter asked that because he was hurting for himself inside. His emotional pain was real. You know how Jesus handled it? He said, "Sure Peter, I will make life fair and see to it that John gets just what I have planned for you." No Jesus did not. He confronted Peter and said, "Peter, if I want John to remain alive until I return, what business is that of yours?" Just because someone was really hurting inside did not mean to Jesus it was justified. In fact, in many cases if they were willing to deal with the real issue Jesus knew that the hurt would go away.

4.) Jesus tells Peter that his responsibility was the same responsibility that all Christians have regardless of what goes on in another person's life. Peter "must follow Christ."

Learn the following:

1.) Are the disciples suggesting to Jesus that He tone down His teaching so that the Pharisees won't be offended? Maybe so.
Be assured of this. In your role as counselors/ disciplers/teachers, you will be "encouraged" to not be offensive (to not hurt someone through what you say). My friends, you cannot be true to Christ in your counseling endeavors and never be offensive!

2.) Though at this point of time in their lives, the disciples are concerned (troubled!) that Jesus has offended the Pharisees with His teaching, Jesus is not bothered by this at all.

Learn the following:

1.) Notice in v. 15 that Jesus addresses the "real issue." The "real issue" to Jesus was not fairness/justice as the "older workers" complained. Rather, to Jesus the "real issue" was anger at the Vineyard Owner's generosity/ graciousness to others.
The attitude of the "older" vineyard workers in this parable is highly similar to the attitude of the "older" brother in the parable of the lost son/prodigal son.