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Biblical Parenting:
Nurture and Admonition
Dr. Marc Graham,
Director, Biblical Counseling Center of Southeast
Michigan
Introduction
1. The Home is where the child
learns to obey/ honor Biblical authority. (Eph. 6:1).
2. It is the parent's duty to teach
obedience/respect without exasperating them. (Eph. 6:4).
3. Parents are not always
automatically right. It is vital that parents prevent their own
sinful attitudes and actions from surfacing when
parenting.
4. Sinful attitudes and actions
surface most often when parents fall into a reactive mode, rather
than focusing on goal-oriented parenting.
5. What is the dynamic of Biblical
Parenting? Ephesians 6:4 tells us.
I. We are to
"bring them up" in the "Nurture and Admonition" of the
Lord.
1. Children are not to "bring
themselves up."
2. In our society the emphasis is on
"child-centered parenting." In this philosophy, the children's
activities, relationships, and interests dictate the family
agenda.
3. Biblical priorities, however,
dictate that the children are not to come first, but rather last.
The home is to be focused on (1) Christ, (2) Building the marriage,
(3) the children.
4. Overindulgence of children is one
way that we "provoke them to a bitter/angry lifestyle."
II. Notice that the command
emphasizes "fathers."
1. The Greek term patera is often
translated to mean "both parents."
2. It can, however, mean "fathers."
I believe that dads are deliberately emphasized in this
text.
3. Certainly the responsibility for
training children in verse 4 applies to both parents, even as
children are responsible in verse 1-2 to honor both
parents.
4. The Christian Home, however, is
an institution where husbands/fathers are to take the lead, as
already established in Ephesians 5:25-33. This includes
parenting.
III. Your Nurture of your
Child.
1. Nurture: Discipline, correction,
structured control.
2. Structure for the purpose of
"training up the child," giving them experience in how to apply
Biblical principles to life situations.
3. Fearful parents use structure to
"overprotect" their child. Their goal is selfish---their own peace
of mind, not the training up of their children in godly
living.
4. Angry parents use structure
primarily to punish and control their children. Their goal is
selfish---they don't want to be bothered with the hard work of
teaching. Their answer to every problem is to throw another rule at
the kids.
5. Legalistic parents are
inconsistent with their structure. They are trying to redeem their
kids by law not grace. They tend to strain at the gnats in their
kids' lives, while they swallow the camels in their own. They don't
understand that rules are tools meant to be applied and interpreted
in the context of life.
6. Biblical nurture understands that
God's commands are non-negotiable. House-rules, on the other hand,
are both negotiable and appealable.
7. Biblical nurture understands that
outer conformity to a standard without inner heart convictions
merely rears up a hypocrite and/or Pharisee.
8. This is why Ephesians 6:4 teams
up nurture with the following---
IV. Your Admonition of your
Child.
1. ADMONITION: Putting Biblical
truth into the mind; building inner convictions.
2. Standards/rules alone are not
enough. They must be accompanied by training in the Biblical/moral
principles that underlie each standard.
V. Primary Ways We
Teach:
1. By our own example---modeling
godliness.
2. Normal life
situations.
3. Formal teaching
settings.
VI. Primary Things We Are to
Teach (general):
1. Love for Christ.
2. Love of Biblical
Truth.
3. Love for the people of
God.
4. Love for Christ's Church.
5. Love for the Lost.
VII. PRIMARY THINGS WE ARE
TO TEACH (ideas):
1. Submission to and respect for
authority (Eph. 6; Rom. 13:1-6; Heb. 13:17).
2. Preciousness of others---how this
impacts relationships, decisions, respect for personal property,
etc. (Phil. 2:2-5).
3. How to handle trials. (Rom.
8:28-29; 1 Pet. 1:6-7; 2:18-23).
4. How to return good for evil.
(Rom. 12:17-21).
5. A thankful heart---contentment
rather than complaining (1 Tim. 6:6).
6. Good stewardship (1 Cor.
4:2).
7. Biblical communication and
attitudes (Eph. 4:25-32).
VIII. The Importance of
Balancing Nurture and Admonition. (see diagram)
1. An overemphasis on Nurture
(rules/standards) without teaching will raise kids who go out into
world with all of these rules, but no understanding of the
principles behind them; no personal inner convictions. The world
will challenge their rules and they will have no answers. They will
quickly conclude that there is no good reason for their standards
and will discard them.
2. An overemphasis on admonition
(teaching, putting into the mind) will raise kids who go out into
the world with principles in their heads, but no experience in how
to apply them to life. They will make mistakes and come to the
conclusion that the principles they learned don't work. They will
quickly discard them
IX. Parenting without the
Biblical Balance of Nurture and Admonition Provokes Kids to
Anger.
1. See list "35 Ways to Provoke Your
Kids to Wrath." (will be distributed in Pastor Miller's
session).
X. The Goal of Biblical
Parenting: Bring Them Up in the Nurture and Admonition of the
Lord.
1. The goal of Biblical parenting is
to raise children who love and obey Christ from the
heart.
2. This means that true Biblical
parenting is positive not negative.
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